Black Sheep


I failed you. I failed you hard.

I won't fool myself or anyone: I do miss you. I've become so lonely. Wondering, whilst reading through these old posts, when the exact time I lost it was. How have I done exactly what I said I would never. You may never understand my reasons (I can't comprehend them myself, you see, as they're far beneath so many layers of excuses that I've already given up on that hard task). Nevertheless, I try: I was a bad person. I was spiteful, vindictive, envious, jealous, cynic, overly sarcastic. I don't confer these features of mine to your presence, but at that time, I did it. I thought it was because I was hanging with you. In my mind, I thought that friendship was causing such a bad impact on my personality… I don't know.

After the storm, we always miss the good days. After all, why to remember those bad feelings? They're easily forgetful. In essence, what lasts is just good reminiscence: our talks. Our way of seeing right through the eye of each other. Our laughs. Our way of laughing out of ANY situation (except maybe this one, lol). Our connection. Our intimacy. Our confessions. Our philosophic way of questioning the nature of everything around us - I may have failed when questioning the nature of myself so hard, though. Our similarities. The way we both had been cast out of society and dealt with so many similar issues. Anyways, our talks. And our talks. 

Fact is I'm not a tolerant person. I've pushed away everyone I cared about. You were the first. Then was the Vegan Girl, and next is probably Mss. Teacher. Then I faced what was left for me: deep slumber. After I woke up, I tried to reach out for anyone around.

But there wasn't anyone around. And now I live in regret, for once I shouted out to the skies: "I've got too many friends, they wear me out", and now I just sit tight, reasoning how ungrateful I was, and wondering what I must do to have them back. They say friendship is fuel for life.

I hope you're doing great. I also hope you don't hate me.

I failed you.

I forgot the sheep's name. And that's probably the worst part of it.

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